It's been a year since I post my entry.. Being a Form 5-er is (was dah pun) hectic.. Nak juggle between academic and extra curricular activities.. Not to mention my relationship with other people.. I didn't post through out the year probably because Aya ada orang nak cerita and luahkan semua.. Even if tak pun Aya just let it out dengan tears.. Tu cara paling mudah and tak menyusahkan orang lain..
He said I have changed.. Can I believe that? Ntah lah.. Tak ingat pulak macam mana perangai Aya dulu sampai nak kata Aya dah berubah.. I don't think so though deep inside.. Sebab Aya still cepat marah, susah nak reda marah, keras kepala, susah nak terima cakap orang.. All those bad things a person could have, I have it.. I've always been this way.. Cuba jugak nak panjangkan masa sebelum start rasa marah.. Berjaya kot.. Kadang2.. Sedih sebenarnya bila tak dapat atasi benda tu.. Ye lah kemarahan tu menimbulkan macam2 masalah and rosakkan hubungan dengan orang..
Perangai Aya memang pelik.. Aya suka ada peneman tapi ada masa Aya just tiba2 Aya tak rasa nak bercakap langsung.. Rasa macam nak melayan orang tu satu benda yang sangat berat.. I don't think any one will understand what I feel at those times.. I just can't help it.. I just need someone yang open minded and boleh terima perangai2 pelik tu.. Tak judge Aya based on orang lain..
Oh and Aya berjaya sambung balik friendship yang terputus tu.. Takkan sama macam dulu tapi bagi Aya tu satu benda yang sangat besar yang Aya dapat atasi.. Bagi Aya bukan senang nak start balik bila dah terluka.. Oh and to forget Aya ni selfish.. Tak tau kenapa I've been that way.. Nak sangat buang yang tu tapi tak tau macam mana.. Sometimes I don't know who I am.. Should I be the way I am yang buat orang terluka sebab Aya.. Or maybe pretend to be someone else hoping I'll learn to live like that.. Sometimes I hate who I am..
Somehow I just need help.
AYA :'(
